When Lightning Strikes

 This is the second part to my last short story. It is not a linear story, but it takes place many years later in the same field. I don't want to explain away the metaphor I used, so hopefully you can see what I was trying to get at when I wrote it. If not, let me know and I'll try to paint a better picture.

Lightning strikes.

The clouds billow in, darkening the once bright sky. Thunder rumbles in the distance. The rain begins to fall. It's slow at first, just a few fat drops scattered over the landscape. They begin to fall faster, spreading thin as they fall and the ground begins to moisten. With one loud thunderclap, the heavens open. The downpour of water comes like a thief in the night. Unexpected, deadly, and leaving the earth below defenseless. Soon, puddles gather in the indents on the well worn roads and walkways. They begin to merge, join together and the rain seems to fall twice. Once as it hits the puddles and then again as the splash and ripples collide. The lightning is terrifying, and the illumination from the strikes makes the darkness look like dawn. The water rises and the rain continues to fall. It falls faster, as if seeing the flood waters rise fuels the clouds to pour down more.

More vengeance, more anger, more pain.

 Eventually the rain begins to slow. It was inevitable that the precipitation in the air couldn't last forever. As the rain ceases, the clouds dissipate and the lightning and thunder rolls on with the swiftly drifting clouds. The sky becomes clear once again.

But the ground? Oh, the ground.

It's destroyed. Wrecked, bruised, altered permanently--never to be returned to the state it was before the rain fell. The ground can try to fix itself but that is not in its power. And the poor people can try to put the ground back in shape but their efforts are useless. There is no hope for the ground. It's ruined. And every time the rain falls, it will further be desecrated. It's a shame, it's a crime, but it's nature. It's life at its finest. It's the name of the game.

The tree that stood in the middle of the field, the old gnarled tree--it is split in half by the lightning. Its leaves are floating in the flood water, its branches are broken and swinging in the fading wind. It will be dead within a few weeks; this tree which has stood guardian for years is now destroyed by forces beyond its control.

And that's how it goes doesn't it? He will never know that their secret playground as children is now a flooded wasteland and she will leave this place alone again. What good is there to look back now? It is better this way. Let the dead bury their dead. He has never looked back and neither will she. Summer is long gone. 

A Touch of Innocence

I wrote this over three years ago in a different blog I had in college and I was going through some of my old posts and I realized I still really like this little story. There is another story that goes along with it so I may post it in a day or so, but for now, I hope you enjoy this short story I wrote back in 2009. It's about a little girl and a little boy who are young and carefree and just beginning life.

They stood at the edge of the field, staring at the vast open space before them. Holding hands, not yet reaching 5 feet tall. Her red dress was swaying in the wind, his black hair was getting in his eyes. The sky was blue--the kind of blue that takes your breath away. Tiny pure white clouds dotted the sky, the sun shone brightly over the expanse before them. There were trees far in the distance, marking the edge of the forest they were never allowed to enter. But right in the middle, looming over the rest of the vegetation in the field, was a lone tree. It was old, curvy, and at the point of decay. But it was tall, majestic in appearance, aged by harsh winters and pelting rain, scorched by the hot summer sun. This tree was the guardian of the entire field.

She liked to think the other trees were watching it while it sang out its wisdom and praise. He pretended that tree was leading the rest of the forest in battle. There was no one for miles in front of them, only their houses behind them. No one but that tree. Without that tree, they would have gotten lost exploring the field many times. They always went back to the tree, seeking it out during their adventures. This place was their playground, their kingdom, their life.

Today was the first day of summer. School was over, life was about to begin. They breathed in the air around them, tasting the pollen and dust. With one glance back at their side by side houses, and one at each other, they began to ran. They ran as fast as they could, hands swinging in the wind. As they whipped past the wildflowers, the colors blurred together. Blues, violets, greens, yellows...they swirled together, almost indistinguishable in the rush of adrenaline. Their laughter broke through the wind and they collapsed at the base of the tree, breathing deeply. The air was so pure and clean, it filled their little lungs and brought more laughter to their faces.

The day, the summer, their lives had just begun and they would always look back to this day as the most innocent time in their lives, unaware of what was to come.

Under Waves

        I fall under waves of sadness sometimes. I find that I can't shake it, I can't fight it, and I can't get over it. I have to just live it. I have spent years living this way. You name the remedy, I've tried it...but I have to endure. I have to let go of trying to control my emotions, trying to force myself to be happy or thankful or joyful and just be.

       I've come to realize that my emotions are like an ocean. Deep and scary, powerful and overwhelming, an unending expanse of water and waves. Water is necessary for life, just like emotions are an important part of living. But it is so easy to drown when you aren't prepared for the water you are thrown into isn't it? It's the same with emotions--when you are pulled into a wave of emotions you can so easily drown under waves of sadness, anger, anxiety or fear. The more you struggle when you are drowning in water, the more likely you are to lose air faster and drown quicker. When you struggle against your emotions, fighting them and trying to "fake it til you make it" you are so much more likely to be become bitter or depressed because of the prolonged nature of your emotional state. I know this because I've lived that way for years, and it's nearly destroyed me. I have spent years pretending I was okay, never dealing with my emotions, never allowing myself to feel them and allow them to work themselves out and what happened in the end was I bottled them up and let them collect to the point where I was destroying myself from the inside out. I let my emotional struggles define my behavioral habits that now define who I am. At almost 25 years old, I will spend the rest of my life battling the physical ramifications of those emotional problems I stored up as a teenager.

    I fall under waves of sadness sometimes. And now I close my heart around the sadness and feel it in every fiber of my being. I let it have free reign in my mind, I let it take over for however long it needs to be there. Sometimes it's just a day, sometimes, like right now, it's much longer. But it always goes away because in the end it is not meant to be my emotional base. It just pulls me under every now and then so I just take a deep breath, stretch out, and float until I reach the top.

Anatomical Reflection

     Body image. This is the curse of the world we live in. We are all too fat, too ugly, too short or too tall, not tan enough or too dark, our hair is too curly or too straight, our eyes aren't the right color, our teeth aren't the right size or shape, our skin is all wrong, our hands are gross, our nails don't grow right, we aren't skinny enough, strong enough, hot enough. All of us. You are reading this and you are thinking of your own flaws that are screaming at you when you look in the mirror. I am writing this with my own flaws screaming at me to delete this and go eat some candy and hide under the covers and never ever ever EVER come out again because oh my word have you looked in a mirror today? I am disgusting and I should be shot and then cremated so no one has to see me in an open casket. Body image. Ain't it a treat?

    I read something on my good old friend Facebook the other day, and I knew that I wanted to post it here and then talk about it. My friend Jessika shared it and I have no idea who wrote it, but I'm going to post it here anyway. Credit goes to the anonymous source of the interwebz I guess.

A while back, at the entrance of a gym, there was a picture of a very thin and beautiful woman. The caption was "This summer, do you want to be a mermaid or a whale?"
The story goes, a woman (of clothing size unknown) answered the following way:

"Dear people, whales are always surrounded by friends (dolphins, seals, curious humans), they are sexually active and raise their children with great tenderness.
They entertain like crazy with dolphins and eat lots of prawns. They swim all day and travel to fantastic places like Patagonia, the Barents Sea or the coral reefs of Polynesia.
They sing incredibly well and sometimes even are on CDs. They are impressive and dearly loved animals, which everyone defend and admires.
Mermaids do not exist.
But if they existed, they would line up to see a psychologist because of a problem of split personality: woman or fish?
They would have no sex life and could not bear children.
Yes, they would be lovely, but lonely and sad.
And, who wants a girl that smells like fish by his side?
Without a doubt, I'd rather be a whale.
At a time when the media tells us that only thin is beautiful, I prefer to eat ice cream with my kids, to have dinner with my husband, to eat and drink and have fun with my friends.
We women, we gain weight because we accumulate so much wisdom and knowledge that there isn't enough space in our heads, and it spreads all over our bodies.
We are not fat, we are greatly cultivated.
Every time I see my curves in the mirror, I tell myself: "How amazing am I ?!

    I read that and it made me smile. I highly doubt it is a real story...I'm sure it's just another viral story made up to be passed along to make women like me feel better about themselves, but by george, it is working! I am so unbelievably tired of listening to my girl friends...my gorgeous, super skinny, head-turning, flawless friends... sit around and complain every time we get together about how they need to work out more, or how they couldn't possibly eat another tiny square of brownie because they are on diet, or how they are getting fat and need to workout more, how they need to eat better and find more recipes, and oh yeah, how they really need to workout more. I just sit there and stare at the floor, trying not to either scream or cry, praying that time will speed up so I can go home. I hate to admit it, but I find it hard to accept invitations to do things with them when I'm feeling especially self-hatey (yes, it's a word...I just made it one) and in fact I will avoid going ANYWHERE if that's the case. There is nothing more humiliating than being with a group of skinny people talking about how much THEY need to workout when all I can think of is how much they must be judging me. I would like to believe they aren't, because I know that they love me for who I am and for the things we have been through, but I feel so condemned when I am around people who focus so much on their own body image. I want my focus to be on my heart and my walk with God, and anytime my focus starts to shift to my body image things turn ugly really fast (pun?).

     I know I'm not alone in feeling this way either. So many of my teen girls are struggling to feel normal in their own bodies, whether they are overweight or underweight or somewhere in between, regardless of whether or not they have acne, or curly hair, or are average height, or any other physical description you can come up with. In the culture we live in, none of us are good enough. And the girls are not alone...the boys are faced with the same things are we are!

    Why are we so pressured, as children of God, to fall into these traps? Why can't we rest in the knowledge that we are fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14) and created in the image of God (Genesis 1:26-28)?  I want to challenge you to flee from any thoughts of self-hatred that bind you and run to the truth of who you are in Christ. I know it's hard to be flawed when everyone around you not only seems perfect, but also seems to be judging you for all your imperfections, but be strong and take heart...there is a reward coming. And the reward will be worth it all. More on that reward soon...

Fairy Tales and Ever After

     I have a thing for fairy tales. I'm sure it started when I was little. In fact, I couldn't tell you when it started because I have no memory of NOT loving the Disney princesses, not wanting my Prince Charming to fight off a dragon that was actually a witch, and not wanting to wear a crown at all times. I can sing you every song from just about every Princess movie (except Princess and the Frog. That movie sucked.). I can literally quote all of Beauty and the Beast (no joke, all of it. Line for line along with the movie...it's probably my most marketable skill).  I even dyed my hair Ariel red about 6 months ago because it's something I've always wanted to do.

   As I've gotten older, my taste in fairy tales have shifted just a little to the darker side of the stories. What were the original stories not the watered-down Disney versions? Like did you know that in the original story of Cinderella, her stepsisters cut off parts of their feet to get them to fit in the glass slipper? Yikes. And in the Little Mermaid, Ariel doesn't lose her voice, Ursula cuts out her tongue. Awesome right? Oh and she doesn't get to marry Prince Eric...he marries someone else. And she, as a human, watches him get married and then is so distraught, she jumps into the sea and drowns herself. Not exactly family friendly...  And how about Sleeping Beauty...now THAT is disturbing. While she is sleeping from a prophesy, not a curse, she is raped and gives birth to twins. One of the babies sucks on her finger and it removes the flax keeping her asleep...not exactly the glorious awakening Disney gave her is it? I could go on for days about other stories, but you can google original versions of fairy tales if it interests you.

   Now, I'm not here to tell you to stop watching Disney movies, or to stop reading fairy tales or anything like that. I love fairy tales. I have countless books on fairy tales and there is nothing I don't like about them. I love the original versions, the classics we all know, and new modern twists. (Once Upon a Time on ABC anyone?!)

    Here's the point: I grew up (and I'm willing to bet that YOU grew up) being fed a healthy diet of fairy tales. Your prince will come, dreams do come true, whistle while you work, hakkuna matata and all that jazz. But the truth is that life isn't like a fairy tale. And that is a good thing. (Especially considering the original stories are gruesome and horrific!!) There is no fairy godmother, there are no magical mice and birds to clean your room (bummer), and there won't be a rich, handsome prince who fights fire and evil on his valiant steed to save your sorry butt after he sees you once from across the room. Let's be honest--that would be creepy. Dude, you don't know me. Who told you my name? Where did you get that horse? How did you know where I live? Why do you have a sword? What do you mean you killed a witch for me? No, I don't want to get on your horse actually, horses are terrifying. Why are you wearing a cape? Should be you wearing tights in this type of weather? I could go on, but you get the idea. Creepy.

     Fairy tales are awesome. But that's just it. They are just fairy tales. If you live your life expecting to find yourself in a princess world, you are going to be disappointed. Our happily ever after doesn't come in this world. We are called to live here now and wait for the reward. Our path is not easy, but the reward is great. More on that later. And this time, I won't wait a month to post again! :-)