My-oh-my, where has the time gone?
Time flies when you are in the repetition of life, and boy, I sure seem to be stuck in a repetitive cycle of life! The only big news in my life is that I am no longer a youth leader due to having some work conflicts with my job as a nanny. I wasn't able to work the hours they needed me and still be able to be a youth leader. It was a really hard decision and it's one that still makes me sad and I am hoping that in the future I will be able to get back to my girls. It's tough because some of them are graduating and I missed out on the end of their time at Fuel and I won't be able to go on the summer mission's project this year. I've had a couple of other opportunities that I could have taken for the summer but there is some stuff going on with the families I work for and I made the choice to stay working for them and sacrifice some things in my life for now.
Speaking of things I'm sacrificing, I debated for a while whether or not I was going to talk about this, but I decided that since I talk about pretty much everything else going on in my life, I should probably talk about the biggest thing going on right now. About two (almost three) months ago, I joined a diet support group called Grace and Strength (For more info) and it has been the best and worst thing I've ever done to myself. If you know me in person, you know that I am not now, nor have I ever been, a small girl. In fact, I am past pleasantly plump and pretty much in the dear-lord-what-did-you-do-to-yourself range and I have spent years trying to lose weight and blah blah blah. Insert sad sob story about how I am a loner, loser and complicated wreck (name the movie, get ten points...) and now I am eating rabbit food and chicken and I am just hungry and I have to pee a lot because I am drinking gallons of water every day. I will be a part of the program until I reach my goal weight and at this rate, it's going to be a while. But it's something I need to do and I've wasted enough time being the fat girl in the group and blaming everything on my weight. So, even though it's mostly mortifying to admit that I'm on a diet and that I'm shockingly not skinny, I want to be upfront and honest about where I am in life.
Sidenote: Why is it so embarrassing to be on a diet? Anyone who looks at me knows that I need to be on a diet. It's not like they see me and are shocked that I would choose to diet or want to lose weight. But I still feel weird about telling people that I can't stay for dinner because I can't eat what they are having or I have to order salad with chicken at restaurants instead of what I would normally order. It's a theme with some of the women in my accountability group, and with other girls I know, no one wants to admit that they are being conscious of what they are eating. Let me get this straight...I am supposed to be a size 0 and yet still eat any and every thing that is offered to me? How is that supposed to work? Where to the calories go? Oh society and your twisted double standards.... End sidenote...
Anyway, that's what's up with me right now. I want to blog about different topics in the next few weeks. If anyone has any suggestions, let me know in the comments! I will do my best to not wait 6 months before my next blog post!
