When it all crashes down...

...what is the point?

Down in the Valley

When it snows, I feel hopeful. 

It's like the world has become right again. 

The white ground, the grey skies, the frost on the trees...that is how I love to see the world. 

I get that I'm an anomaly, a freak, and probably psychotic for being SO in love with snow, but I can't help it. Days that I wake up to a fresh snowfall hold way more joy for me than every other day. There is just something about snow.

****

I've noticed a trend lately. 

A lot of the people I love are feeling pretty miserable right now. There isn't a lot of joy, laughter is superficial and doesn't run deep, and there is this universal ache that is bubbling up from the inside. I only recognize this misery and ache because I feel it too. 

We are all trudging through the valley while staring up at the mountaintop, wishing for things to be different, hoping for things to change. 

Our hearts are empty, our souls are turning black and dying, we are becoming numb.

Down in the valley, we are broken. We are living like we are not alive. We try to find ways to numb the pain. We try to shock our systems into coming back to life. We cry out for someone to save us.

We are waiting for a miracle.

****

The first time I realized I was in love with snow, I was really young. It was around Christmas time and I lay under our Christmas tree staring up at the lights with my golden retriever, Storm, and I could see the snow falling outside from the window behind the tree. I remember thinking that snow was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. It was like glitter from heaven.

Even as I got older, as everyone around me lamented the cold, I knew that the cold meant snow. Snow meant hope. 

****

In the valley, hope is a pipe dream. Hope breaks your heart. Hope is that thing that sneaks up on you and then shatters you again and again. When you are down in the valley, hope can kill you. It promises that tomorrow will be better, and when you are down in the valley, it never is better. Everyday is the same. The same pain follows you around and you can't escape the misery. 

Down in the valley, you wish and pray and hope and dream. All for nothing.

*****

This morning I woke up and there was a fresh layer of snow on the ground. 

Hope. 

****

The only way out of the valley is up. You have to push yourself. You have to force your thoughts ever upwards. Every day, every moment, every time they sink back to the valley. It is painful, it is hard, and it is sometimes it feels like you will never succeed. But to leave the valley is so sweet. To know true joy and true happiness, one must have experienced pain. They are two sides of the same coin. To reach the mountain, you have to fight for yourself.

Hope is not the enemy, it is the lifeline of the valley dweller. 

When you are down in the valley, it is your choice. Keep walking or start climbing.

****

I hope it snows a lot this year. I don't mean that we get massive amounts of snow at one time, but that there is a consistent snowfall. Just enough so that the trees stay covered and the grass stays white. Maybe once a week, a dusting of snow so that I can go and stand outside, arms open, eyes closed, face to the sky...and soak in the joy of winter. The hope that comes from pure white snow and grey skies and frozen trees. 

Even down in the valley, I can still find that hope. And it makes me want to begin the climb out, even if it means changing everything. The mountain is worth it.