We decided to do a 5k at the end of May. I don't know why, other than it's the Color Run. AKA the super fun 5k where they throw colored corn starch at you and you laugh and the video has break dancing and lots of happy people and by george, we want to be happy! So one of my best friends, Heather and I said yep. We are going to do it.
Now, when I said I wanted to do the Color Run, I should have said I wanted to do the Color Mosey or the Color Shuffle...and should have emphasized that I only run if there are zombies chasing me or a child is in mortal danger. But mistake number one was signing up for the Color Run. Mistake number two was agreeing to actually run. Let me clarify...I use the word "run" very very loosely here. Anyone who has ever seen me knows that there is no way in heaven or on earth that I would ever be able to just pick up running as hobby. Oh no no, do not be deceived Oh Interwebz, I am, let's just say, generous when I use the word "run." It's more like a deformed dog trying to hop on just three legs or an injured half-eaten antelope trying to escape the jaws of a lion. In other words, it's barely more than a walk and it's pathetic and gross and I probably should just be quarantined for the benefit of society.
However, we have begun our training and I figured that I would blog about it for a few reasons...first, I am so pathetic and whiny about it, I thought someone might find my pain and agony enjoyable. Second, when I inevitably snap a leg or my knee needs to be replaced, I'll have a record of why to look back on. (Hey stupid, remember when you thought this was a good idea? Hope you like your new bionic knee! PS-What color is your hair now?) Third, stranger things have happened but I have been told that it gets easier? I think they are liars and I am going to die, but who knows....maybe I will actually be able to run someday. (HAHAHAHA I just cracked myself up...I will never be a runner...)
Our first day was on Friday and I whined the entire time, I thought my lungs would collapse, and I thought I would die. But I made it. My legs were on fire all of Saturday, but today I woke up and I was ready for round two you guys. Seriously ready for round two. I was determined to run, determined to stick it out and not whine (as much). Yeah. Turns out we got about 10 minutes into our run (we are doing the Couch to 5k program) and my body just shut down. My shins felt like they were going to snap, my lungs were not taking in any air, my head was pounding, my left knee was shaking (I injured it 4 years ago and it hasn't been the same since) and I had to stop running. I felt horrible and I almost burst into tears. I would have it I would have had any energy. Thankfully Heather is marvelous and saintlike and even though she used to run track and cross country and could run the entire 5k no problem without me, she walked with me and we actually finished the same time that we did when we ran the day before. Go figure.
Here's the moral of the story. I think I've figured it out. I am a failure. I just don't do things right. Ever. I have big ideas, big plans, and good intentions and I screw it up. Every. Single. Time. I mean, common. The couch-to-5K program is made for non-runners and I can't even do that! I literally could not run another step. And when I use the word "literally" you know I mean it, because I don't use that word lightly. I know it was only our second time running, but that's just it...it was ONLY our second time running! I don't say any of this from a dark place or from a pitying place. Don't worry, I am not defeated, I am not giving up--I'm just stating my truth.
My name is Deanna and I am a failure. I am so glad that I have a Savior who loves me anyway.
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