I want to make a clarifying statement to my last post. If you are a follower of Christ who has had sex before marriage, I do not think you are some sick psychopath that is gross and yucky. In fact, I think you are a fallen sinner, just like me. I think you've made mistakes, you have regrets, and you've got to realize that you can't continue living your life however you want and expect God to forget about it just because everyone else is doing it or because you "love him/her." Just like I make mistakes, I have regrets, and I have to realize that I can't live my life ignoring God. There is this crazy thing I see happening all the time where a teen will either "slip up" and have sex or be forced into having sex for the first time and then because they are no longer a virgin, they give up completely and just dive into a sexual relationship head first. They think (or at least they act like they think) that since they already messed up, that it's like a free pass to go ahead and keep on having sex and carrying on doing whatever they like. Or they think that they can never be forgiven, so they give up on God. I want to set the record straight. You can be forgive, redeemed, and restored.
The body is not meant for sexual immorality, but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body. By His power God raised the Lord from the dead, and He will raise us also. Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ himself? Shall I then take the members of Christ and unite them with a prostitute? Never! Do
you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with
her in body? For it is said, “The two will become one flesh.” But he who unites himself with the Lord is one with Him in spirit. Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body. Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body. 1 Corinthians 6: 13-20
Do not be misled: "bad company corrupts good character." Come back to your senses as you ought, and stop sinning; for there are some who are ignorant of God--I say this to your shame. 1 Corinthians 1:33-34
Let us purify ourselves from everything that contaminates body and spirit, perfecting holiness out of reverence for God. 2 Corinthians 7:1
You adulterous people, don't you know that friendship with the world is hatred toward God? Anyone who chooses to be a friend of the world becomes an enemy of God. James 4:4
If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. 1 John 1:9
I long for the day I get to see Jesus. I can't wait to be held by the Man who died to save me. Me! I am selfish, loud, outspoken, sarcastic, evil, and rude...I am mean and judgmental and I have an attitude problem. But Jesus loves me anyway. And you may be reading this thinking, "But I have a sexual addiction, a drug problem, I'm an alcoholic, I'm a liar, I am XYZ..." but I am here to tell you that Jesus died for you. He paid the price for you, so that you can be redeemed. And if you have fallen from grace and are not a virgin anymore and at 15 years old are brokenhearted because you feel like you will never be good enough again, I want you to know that you don't have to be good enough. Jesus already died for your sin. Turn away from it, don't continue down that path, run back to God, and you will be made new. Come join the 12% with me...it's a beautiful place to be. For those caught in other sin, there is redemption and forgiveness waiting for you too. God never promised it would be easy to live the Christian life, but it will be worth it.
Wednesday, October 17, 2012
On being in the 12%
***This is a blog about sex and dating. If that is going to make you uncomfortable, stop reading now. I will not be graphic, instead, I promise to be witty, intelligent, and share my feelings about the topic openly and honestly. You have been warned.***
As a youth leader, I spend most of my time talking to my teens about their boy/girl problems. It's a natural thing that is inevitable in youth ministry, and thankfully, my core group of teens are a cut above the rest and I am so blessed to have these young adults in my life that are truly seeking God's will for their lives and will truly listen to godly advice with open hearts. I've been anxious for a few days, knowing that this blog would be my next one, and I've been putting it off. It's going to be a little bit brutal for some people to hear. There are parents of my teens that read this, my parents read this, my siblings read this (Hi Scott!), my teens and friends read my blog, and I hope there are people who have never met me that are reading right now. If that's you, brace yourselves. I am a 24 year old virgin.
GASP! SHOCK! WHAT?!?! ***Falls over out of the computer chair, hits head, gets up, rereads the sentence, falls again***
Yes, I am coming out the closet. I, Deanna, am a proud, unashamed virgin. I know, I know, I am as rare as the dinosaurs in this day and age, I bet some of you don't even KNOW any other 24 year old virgins. I read an article a year ago in Relevant Magazine and it broke my heart. Here's the link, if you'd like to read it yourself, but I'll summarize it for you (because, let's face it, most of us are super lazy!)The Secret Sexual Revolution
The article has a statistic about young adults that shocked me. 88% of unmarried young adults (ages 18-29) are having sex....and in the Christian world, the number is 80%. Um, I'm sorry what? You are telling me that in the secular world, 12% of people are not having sex before marriage for whatever reason, but in the Christian world, where we are commanded to remain pure and have one sexual partner for life that we are married to (Matt 19: 4-6), the number is only 20% who are actually following it?! Yeah, something is severely broken in the Church if we aren't addressing this.
My own youth group is struggling with this, and my heart is breaking watching some of the young men and women throw away their bodies and make the choice to have sexual relationships outside of the perimeters God designed. And we have been conditioned to be offended when someone tells us that we are wrong or that the things we are doing need to stop, so what happens is that we run from the Church, we run from God and we run from people that want to help us because it's humiliating to admit that we are wrong.
I watch my beloved teens, my dear friends, my family members, move from relationship to relationship seeking something to fill the loneliness in their lives, but no matter how many partners they have, it never will be enough. But if you are desperate and lonely and obsessed with the opposite sex and finding someone to date/love you, then you are setting yourself up for a colossal failure. You will NEVER EVER be complete or feel satisfied in your relationship...no matter how "hot" the other person is, how much sex you are having, or how many people you go through to try and get there. We aren't at 50% looking to find our other or better half. We need to find someone to support us not complete us. The goal is to be at 200% when you are together. That can't happen when you are in a sexual relationship with no life commitment and no spiritual connection. God has to be the center of the relationship for there to be true joy, true love, and true completeness. How can that happen in a sex-crazed one night stand, or a relationship built on lust?
God's design for relationships is a lot harder than how the rest of the world lives (Eph 5). One man, one woman, one lifetime? That's crazy. I mean, seriously, the amount of hormones coursing through our bodies is just not fair for our generation to have to wait until our 20s to get married. At least in Bible times, they got to marry at 15 so they didn't have to worry about waiting until marriage. Sure, they had arranged marriages, no plumbing, way too much hard labor, and the plague, but it's a tradeoff I guess. Each generation gets it's own set of problems huh? God designed marriage to be something amazing, but we messed it up as we always do. We introduced dating onto the scene and with it a whole bucket full of regrets and issues. I've started reading a new blog and it's quickly become my favorite. This post has stuck with me and the more I read it, the more I am broken by it. Take the 5 minutes and read it. It will give you a whole new perspective on dating and boundaries. Cool Your Jets and Embrace Your Role
Sex is such a touchy subject for most people, but I have no problem talking about it or the reasons why I abstain from having sex. And even though my faith is first and foremost the reason why I will remain a virgin unless I get married, I have to be honest and say that even if God were not in my life, there are about 435 health reasons why I would not have sex with multiple guys anyway, so when I give my little sex rant to my teens, they get both sides of the coin. I've watched way too many people destroy their lives with sex in some way or another and now that I have some measure of influence, I plan to be vocal and unashamed about promoting abstinence, even if it means offending people who are actively participating in sexual relationships. I've seen God bless marriages of people that wait for marriage, I've seen Him restore people that have made mistakes in the past, I've seen Him give strength to those who are fighting sexual addictions, I've seen Him do amazing things through people that are in the 12%. I am one of them. My prayer is that you are too.
As a youth leader, I spend most of my time talking to my teens about their boy/girl problems. It's a natural thing that is inevitable in youth ministry, and thankfully, my core group of teens are a cut above the rest and I am so blessed to have these young adults in my life that are truly seeking God's will for their lives and will truly listen to godly advice with open hearts. I've been anxious for a few days, knowing that this blog would be my next one, and I've been putting it off. It's going to be a little bit brutal for some people to hear. There are parents of my teens that read this, my parents read this, my siblings read this (Hi Scott!), my teens and friends read my blog, and I hope there are people who have never met me that are reading right now. If that's you, brace yourselves. I am a 24 year old virgin.
GASP! SHOCK! WHAT?!?! ***Falls over out of the computer chair, hits head, gets up, rereads the sentence, falls again***
Yes, I am coming out the closet. I, Deanna, am a proud, unashamed virgin. I know, I know, I am as rare as the dinosaurs in this day and age, I bet some of you don't even KNOW any other 24 year old virgins. I read an article a year ago in Relevant Magazine and it broke my heart. Here's the link, if you'd like to read it yourself, but I'll summarize it for you (because, let's face it, most of us are super lazy!)The Secret Sexual Revolution
The article has a statistic about young adults that shocked me. 88% of unmarried young adults (ages 18-29) are having sex....and in the Christian world, the number is 80%. Um, I'm sorry what? You are telling me that in the secular world, 12% of people are not having sex before marriage for whatever reason, but in the Christian world, where we are commanded to remain pure and have one sexual partner for life that we are married to (Matt 19: 4-6), the number is only 20% who are actually following it?! Yeah, something is severely broken in the Church if we aren't addressing this.
My own youth group is struggling with this, and my heart is breaking watching some of the young men and women throw away their bodies and make the choice to have sexual relationships outside of the perimeters God designed. And we have been conditioned to be offended when someone tells us that we are wrong or that the things we are doing need to stop, so what happens is that we run from the Church, we run from God and we run from people that want to help us because it's humiliating to admit that we are wrong.
I watch my beloved teens, my dear friends, my family members, move from relationship to relationship seeking something to fill the loneliness in their lives, but no matter how many partners they have, it never will be enough. But if you are desperate and lonely and obsessed with the opposite sex and finding someone to date/love you, then you are setting yourself up for a colossal failure. You will NEVER EVER be complete or feel satisfied in your relationship...no matter how "hot" the other person is, how much sex you are having, or how many people you go through to try and get there. We aren't at 50% looking to find our other or better half. We need to find someone to support us not complete us. The goal is to be at 200% when you are together. That can't happen when you are in a sexual relationship with no life commitment and no spiritual connection. God has to be the center of the relationship for there to be true joy, true love, and true completeness. How can that happen in a sex-crazed one night stand, or a relationship built on lust?
God's design for relationships is a lot harder than how the rest of the world lives (Eph 5). One man, one woman, one lifetime? That's crazy. I mean, seriously, the amount of hormones coursing through our bodies is just not fair for our generation to have to wait until our 20s to get married. At least in Bible times, they got to marry at 15 so they didn't have to worry about waiting until marriage. Sure, they had arranged marriages, no plumbing, way too much hard labor, and the plague, but it's a tradeoff I guess. Each generation gets it's own set of problems huh? God designed marriage to be something amazing, but we messed it up as we always do. We introduced dating onto the scene and with it a whole bucket full of regrets and issues. I've started reading a new blog and it's quickly become my favorite. This post has stuck with me and the more I read it, the more I am broken by it. Take the 5 minutes and read it. It will give you a whole new perspective on dating and boundaries. Cool Your Jets and Embrace Your Role
Sex is such a touchy subject for most people, but I have no problem talking about it or the reasons why I abstain from having sex. And even though my faith is first and foremost the reason why I will remain a virgin unless I get married, I have to be honest and say that even if God were not in my life, there are about 435 health reasons why I would not have sex with multiple guys anyway, so when I give my little sex rant to my teens, they get both sides of the coin. I've watched way too many people destroy their lives with sex in some way or another and now that I have some measure of influence, I plan to be vocal and unashamed about promoting abstinence, even if it means offending people who are actively participating in sexual relationships. I've seen God bless marriages of people that wait for marriage, I've seen Him restore people that have made mistakes in the past, I've seen Him give strength to those who are fighting sexual addictions, I've seen Him do amazing things through people that are in the 12%. I am one of them. My prayer is that you are too.
Friday, October 12, 2012
A Challenge...
There is still a way back from this. All is not lost. You have not ruined your life, you have not lost your chance at forgiveness. There is hope for your pain to cease, there is joy to be felt again.
So often I talk with my teens and though they may never say it, they seem to believe that with one mistake, or one missed opportunity, they have condemned themselves. Instead of turning and running back to Jesus, we continue to live in sin and ignore the conviction and pull of the Holy Spirit to draw us back to Himself. We give up on Jesus so quickly because it's too hard, it's too painful to sacrifice our temporary pleasure for eternal rewards, and it's too difficult to deny ourselves what our flesh wants when everyone around us is living lives that so dishonor God and are encouraging us to do the same. But when we fall, when we fail, it's not an excuse to sin more, or walk away, or fall into despair. It's a chance to rely on grace and accept that God loves us despite our failure.
Simon Peter is one of my favorite examples of this. Jesus told him that he would fail. He told Peter in Luke 22 after Peter stated that he would forever follow and love Him that Peter would betray Him. He says in verses 31-32, "Simon, Simon, Satan has asked to sift you as wheat. But I have prayed for you, Simon, that your faith may not fail. And when you have turned back, strengthen your brothers." These verses have become two of my favorite in all the Bible because they have so much content that has strengthened me.
First, Satan directly is wanting to tempt Peter here, but notice that is says he asked. So it shows that Satan cannot do anything to Peter without God's permission. That's encouraging because let's be honest...if Satan had his way, I'm pretty sure we would all be trapped in some giant cosmic game of Saw having to cut our own limbs off just to escape only to fall into a pit of spikes and then have to crawl out through a tunnel of salt or something. It would not be pretty. But Satan has to ask for permission. This reinforces 1 Corinthians 10:13 "No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it." I don't know about you, but this brings me great comfort when I think about trials and temptation...knowing that God has agreed to allow me to go through it, and that He will provide me a way out.
Secondly, Jesus prayed for Peter. How amazing is that? I mean, if I want anyone in my prayer circle praying for me that my faith doesn't fail...it's Jesus! Peter had the Son of God praying that his faith wouldn't fail. And I recognize that some might say that it DID fail because he denied Christ...don't worry, we'll get there.
Third, WHEN you turn back, strengthen your brothers. I love this. WHEN. Not if. Not maybe. Not if you get around to it. WHEN. Here's the thing. Jesus knew Peter would deny Him. Just a few verses later, Jesus told Peter, yes you WILL deny me three times. But. WHEN you turn back. He knew Peter would turn back.
So, here's why this is my favorite. What if Jesus hadn't prayed for Peter? What if He had never told Peter that He was praying, or that he would turn back?
Think about it this way: You are Peter, and for three years you gave up everything to follow this Man, and you KNOW He is God, and you watched Him get arrested and beaten, just like He told you He would. You've watched Him heal the sick, feed the hungry out of nothing, walk on freaking WATER. You KNOW He is God. And now, He tells you that you are going to deny Him? Fat Chance. But then, in the chaos of the arrest, in the crowded mass of people, you are terrified. You've seen what they've done to Him, the blood, the wounds, the pain, and you are alone in the square. All the other disciples are gone, and you just want to see Jesus. There is so much blood. The sight is overwhelming, the stench is unbearable, the people are violent, angry, and not satisfied with the beating He has already received. The blood spilled on the ground still isn't enough. They want more. Someone notices you. "HEY! YOU!" Angry, violent eyes turn to you, rough hands grab you. Your heart stops, and before your brain can process, your survival instinct takes over, not once, not twice, but three times. You scream, you plead, you deny. You turn away weeping, the crowd jeering at you, a sniveling man. You clearing can't be a follower of the Man bleeding in front of them. No follower of Jesus would behave like this. You sink to the ground and crawl to a corner.
STOP. Two scenarios. In one, you weep because you know you can never go back. You can never speak Jesus' name again. You should have stood up and died for Him. You manage to escape to your house where you hide for the next three days. You hear of Jesus' resurrection, but you can't bring yourself to see Him. Your joy is overshadowed by your guilt and shame. You live out the rest of your life in shame and hiding, condemning yourself for your mistake.
In the second, you fall to the ground and weep as you look up and see Jesus. Your mind flashes back to His words, just hours ago. WHEN you fail. I prayed for you, that your faith doesn't fail. Strengthen your brothers. You hang your head and as the tears fall, you feel a peace wash over you. You look up and Jesus is smiling at you. He nods, and you know you are forgiven. You stand on shaky legs and go back to find the other disciples. You wait out the days, anxious for His return.
Peter is the founder of the modern church. His faith in Jesus despite his colossal failure brought about a movement that saved millions. Do you get it now? Has it hit you yet? Your mistake, your failure, your sin...it's not the end of you. Don't let it be the end of you. Peter could have walked away from Jesus. In our world, he probably would have...but he knew Jesus was praying for him, and that he had a responsiblity to strengthen his brothers.
I challenge you to accept your failure, make it right, turn away from it, and run to Jesus. My prayer for you is that your faith won't fail, and that when you do turn back, that you will strengthen your brothers.
So often I talk with my teens and though they may never say it, they seem to believe that with one mistake, or one missed opportunity, they have condemned themselves. Instead of turning and running back to Jesus, we continue to live in sin and ignore the conviction and pull of the Holy Spirit to draw us back to Himself. We give up on Jesus so quickly because it's too hard, it's too painful to sacrifice our temporary pleasure for eternal rewards, and it's too difficult to deny ourselves what our flesh wants when everyone around us is living lives that so dishonor God and are encouraging us to do the same. But when we fall, when we fail, it's not an excuse to sin more, or walk away, or fall into despair. It's a chance to rely on grace and accept that God loves us despite our failure.
Simon Peter is one of my favorite examples of this. Jesus told him that he would fail. He told Peter in Luke 22 after Peter stated that he would forever follow and love Him that Peter would betray Him. He says in verses 31-32, "Simon, Simon, Satan has asked to sift you as wheat. But I have prayed for you, Simon, that your faith may not fail. And when you have turned back, strengthen your brothers." These verses have become two of my favorite in all the Bible because they have so much content that has strengthened me.
First, Satan directly is wanting to tempt Peter here, but notice that is says he asked. So it shows that Satan cannot do anything to Peter without God's permission. That's encouraging because let's be honest...if Satan had his way, I'm pretty sure we would all be trapped in some giant cosmic game of Saw having to cut our own limbs off just to escape only to fall into a pit of spikes and then have to crawl out through a tunnel of salt or something. It would not be pretty. But Satan has to ask for permission. This reinforces 1 Corinthians 10:13 "No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it." I don't know about you, but this brings me great comfort when I think about trials and temptation...knowing that God has agreed to allow me to go through it, and that He will provide me a way out.
Secondly, Jesus prayed for Peter. How amazing is that? I mean, if I want anyone in my prayer circle praying for me that my faith doesn't fail...it's Jesus! Peter had the Son of God praying that his faith wouldn't fail. And I recognize that some might say that it DID fail because he denied Christ...don't worry, we'll get there.
Third, WHEN you turn back, strengthen your brothers. I love this. WHEN. Not if. Not maybe. Not if you get around to it. WHEN. Here's the thing. Jesus knew Peter would deny Him. Just a few verses later, Jesus told Peter, yes you WILL deny me three times. But. WHEN you turn back. He knew Peter would turn back.
So, here's why this is my favorite. What if Jesus hadn't prayed for Peter? What if He had never told Peter that He was praying, or that he would turn back?
Think about it this way: You are Peter, and for three years you gave up everything to follow this Man, and you KNOW He is God, and you watched Him get arrested and beaten, just like He told you He would. You've watched Him heal the sick, feed the hungry out of nothing, walk on freaking WATER. You KNOW He is God. And now, He tells you that you are going to deny Him? Fat Chance. But then, in the chaos of the arrest, in the crowded mass of people, you are terrified. You've seen what they've done to Him, the blood, the wounds, the pain, and you are alone in the square. All the other disciples are gone, and you just want to see Jesus. There is so much blood. The sight is overwhelming, the stench is unbearable, the people are violent, angry, and not satisfied with the beating He has already received. The blood spilled on the ground still isn't enough. They want more. Someone notices you. "HEY! YOU!" Angry, violent eyes turn to you, rough hands grab you. Your heart stops, and before your brain can process, your survival instinct takes over, not once, not twice, but three times. You scream, you plead, you deny. You turn away weeping, the crowd jeering at you, a sniveling man. You clearing can't be a follower of the Man bleeding in front of them. No follower of Jesus would behave like this. You sink to the ground and crawl to a corner.
STOP. Two scenarios. In one, you weep because you know you can never go back. You can never speak Jesus' name again. You should have stood up and died for Him. You manage to escape to your house where you hide for the next three days. You hear of Jesus' resurrection, but you can't bring yourself to see Him. Your joy is overshadowed by your guilt and shame. You live out the rest of your life in shame and hiding, condemning yourself for your mistake.
In the second, you fall to the ground and weep as you look up and see Jesus. Your mind flashes back to His words, just hours ago. WHEN you fail. I prayed for you, that your faith doesn't fail. Strengthen your brothers. You hang your head and as the tears fall, you feel a peace wash over you. You look up and Jesus is smiling at you. He nods, and you know you are forgiven. You stand on shaky legs and go back to find the other disciples. You wait out the days, anxious for His return.
Peter is the founder of the modern church. His faith in Jesus despite his colossal failure brought about a movement that saved millions. Do you get it now? Has it hit you yet? Your mistake, your failure, your sin...it's not the end of you. Don't let it be the end of you. Peter could have walked away from Jesus. In our world, he probably would have...but he knew Jesus was praying for him, and that he had a responsiblity to strengthen his brothers.
I challenge you to accept your failure, make it right, turn away from it, and run to Jesus. My prayer for you is that your faith won't fail, and that when you do turn back, that you will strengthen your brothers.
Wednesday, October 10, 2012
This Dove's Overture
I maintain that I am easy to figure out, once you have navigated through the tangled web of my emotional mood swings, deduced what my musical flavor of the month is, and can successful determine if I am being sarcastic or pithy at any given moment. Really it's not that hard, if you have a magic eight ball, a shield, and somewhere to hid in case you are wrong. Oh, wait...that's right. I forgot for a moment, I am completely insane and should probably come with a warning label. So consider this your warning label, your guide to get to know me better, your ticket to impress me with your intricate knowledge of things that make me tick. Ready? No? Me either...
Here are some things to know about me as I begin a journey blogging through my life under my vows to God and you hopefully travel through the journey with me. As I mentioned in my last post, I am 24 years old, single and yes, still living with my parents. Yippee. I graduated with a Bachelors degree in communication arts with a theatre concentration from Judson University in Elgin, IL in 2010, and I am a nanny for two families with three kids each. I will probably be talking about the kids in future posts, so there will be more to come about them later, I'm sure. I spent a year working in a pharmacy and I will probably rehash some stories from that journey. I spent 4 months living in New Jersey as a live in nanny to three boys who were crazy and funny and so cute, and while I miss them a lot, I mostly miss the fact that I got to visit my oldest brother Scott and his wife, Kara and daughter Emma every weekend. Scott is my half-brother (11 years older) and he's in the army, currently serving in Kuwait on his 4th tour of duty. Emma and Kara live on base at West Point, NY where my bro taught for the past three years. I have an older sister as well, Danielle. She and her husband, Jarod live near my parents and I here in town. They have the worlds cutest dog, Tebow. You will hear a lot about Tebow. Get used to it now people. I adore Tebow. I plan to steal him and run away someday. It's bound to happen. Dani is in school to be a pharmacist and Jarod is going to be a cop. My dad works in Chicago doing something with metal? I don't know...people ask me all the time, I never really understood it. He's a tool and dye maker...google it. Whatever. My mom is a nurse. So there ya go, that's my family life. You will hear more about them later probably. Maybe. This is about me people. Let's focus.
Key things:
--->Doctor Who. If you do not watch Doctor Who and we are friends, chances are I will force you to watch it at least once. If not more. I turned my youth group into a whole group of Whovians...we have parties at my house, I make DW related treats, it's epic. I will devote an entire blog to why I love Doctor Who later...I've been thinking about it for weeks. Did I mention I got the boys I nanny for addicted to the show to? Yep. I freaking love Doctor Who.
--->Zombies. I am so pro-zombies. The Walking Dead is one of my favorite shows. I am obsessed it with. In fact, as soon as I'm done writing this, I plan to curl up with a cup of coffee and watch it on netflix because the new season starts on Sunday and I can't wait that long. Go ahead and judge me. If zombies turn out to be real, you will come crying to me for help and I will laugh when zombies eat your face. (Okay, I'm not that mean, but if I was mean, I would.) I want to write a book about how if you can survive college you can survive the zombie apocalypse. I may preview it here. Get excited people. It's going to be a bestseller. And a movie.
---->Aaron Rodgers. I am in love with him. I will probably never get to meet him, he will never know I exist, and I will continue to watch him play for my beloved Packers every football season wishing that those beautiful baby blues were looking into mine, but by gum...I love him. He is my celebrity crush, my dream boat, the quarterback of my heart. Let's be honest, if I ever did get to meet him, I would giggle like a little schoolgirl and make a fool of myself. It's better this way...me watching him play the game, and him "living in the TV" as one of my kids says (he's four and insists I can't marry Aaron Rodgers because 1. He lives in the TV, and 2. I'm supposed to marry HIM so I can always be a part of his family. Adorable, right?!). Aaron, if you are reading this, and you have a thing for Jesus and Doctor Who, call me!
---->Music. Here's the thing. Spend any time with me at all, and you will hear me say, "OH! I love this song! It's my favorite!!" to just about every other song on my playlist/radio/cd. I have a lot of favorites. I can't help it. Mumford & Sons currently holds the top spot in my heart, but ask me again tomorrow and it will be The Script, or Florence & the Machine. I love indie rock and roll, but I'm a sucker for top 40, and I love to dance so I'm all about it. I also love to rock out, so I enjoy screamo at times. I am a fabulous rapper, so I have to perfect my craft. I am totally emo at heart, so I have to listen to music that feeds my emotions. I love Jesus so the majority of the time I listen to praise and worship songs. I am an eclectic mix of music...a grab bag of things that just make my heart beat faster and if I like it I will listen to it.
---->TV. I love TV. I would love to write for TV, that's how much I love it. Shonda Rhimes is my hero and I would like to steal her life a little bit. If I were to list out all the shows I love, it would take forever.
---->Books. Same thing. I love to read. I read 4-5 books a week. Easily. It's more natural for me to read all night than to sleep. I will ready any and everything. I love to write, and reading is a natural extension of that.
---->Movies. I own more movies than a blockbuster. It's overwhelming really. And I'm a watch-a-movie-twice-in-one-day kind of girl. Like over and over and over. Movie quoting all day, every day. I am addicted to story. That's why I love TV, books, movies, music, even Doctor Who. They all tell stories. And I can't stop how much I adore stories. It's in my blood.
---->Facts. I have 14 piercings, and 4 tattoos. I know the piercing thing is overwhelming, but all but one is in my ear. I have my lip pierced, and then I have three piercings in my left cartilage and then 5 holes in each ear lobe. So no secret piercings or anything, but I don't often wear all 14 earrings anymore. It's overwhelming for most people. I love my tattoos, and I do plan on getting more someday. I have LOVE on my left wrist, 5 stars behind my right ear, LET GO on my right wrist and CHOSEN on my left foot.
I love to paint and craft and I taught myself to knit on YouTube.
I rarely stop singing, I usually sing things that don't even need to be sung, especially when I'm alone.
My hair has been black, white, fire red, orange, blonde, all shades of brown, this nasty greenish, and a weird pinkish. It's currently blondish. I had black hair a few months ago, and I'm transitioning to blonde again. I have a problem, and I'm okay with it. I like to change my hair color okay?!?!
I am a major weeper. I cry to process things, when I'm happy, when I'm sad, when I'm moved by something, when I'm angry, when I'm scared, when I'm nervous...you name the emotion, chances are, my first reaction is to cry. I generally can hide it pretty well, and thank God I am not an ugly crier most of the time (I'm not bragging...you know what I mean when I say "ugly crier" right? Like snot, and red face, and makeup all over, and dry heaving, and nasty? That's not me, I just have a few tears slip out. Very lady like. I think God knew how much I would cry so He blessed me with a pretty cry).
I am not a morning person. I do not like to be woken up in the morning, I do not like to be talked to when I'm getting ready, and I do not like to have anyone interrupt my routine. I like to have my music on, and shuffle like a zombie through my extensive makeup routine (so I don't look like I am a zombie) and hair shellacking process in peace. My dad has lived with me (apart from my 4 years in college) for 24 years. He still hasn't figured this out. It took my college roommates 2 days.
So there ya go. A whole bucket full of facts for you to digests. I'm thinking the next post I'd be open to answering some questions, but I don't know how many readers I have yet. If you have a question, throw it in the comments and I'd be glad to answer it. It can be about anything...life, love, the pursuit of happiness. I'm an open book, so ask away! Also, if you like this blog, feel free to share it with your friends! (Shameless plug!)
Here are some things to know about me as I begin a journey blogging through my life under my vows to God and you hopefully travel through the journey with me. As I mentioned in my last post, I am 24 years old, single and yes, still living with my parents. Yippee. I graduated with a Bachelors degree in communication arts with a theatre concentration from Judson University in Elgin, IL in 2010, and I am a nanny for two families with three kids each. I will probably be talking about the kids in future posts, so there will be more to come about them later, I'm sure. I spent a year working in a pharmacy and I will probably rehash some stories from that journey. I spent 4 months living in New Jersey as a live in nanny to three boys who were crazy and funny and so cute, and while I miss them a lot, I mostly miss the fact that I got to visit my oldest brother Scott and his wife, Kara and daughter Emma every weekend. Scott is my half-brother (11 years older) and he's in the army, currently serving in Kuwait on his 4th tour of duty. Emma and Kara live on base at West Point, NY where my bro taught for the past three years. I have an older sister as well, Danielle. She and her husband, Jarod live near my parents and I here in town. They have the worlds cutest dog, Tebow. You will hear a lot about Tebow. Get used to it now people. I adore Tebow. I plan to steal him and run away someday. It's bound to happen. Dani is in school to be a pharmacist and Jarod is going to be a cop. My dad works in Chicago doing something with metal? I don't know...people ask me all the time, I never really understood it. He's a tool and dye maker...google it. Whatever. My mom is a nurse. So there ya go, that's my family life. You will hear more about them later probably. Maybe. This is about me people. Let's focus.
Key things:
--->Doctor Who. If you do not watch Doctor Who and we are friends, chances are I will force you to watch it at least once. If not more. I turned my youth group into a whole group of Whovians...we have parties at my house, I make DW related treats, it's epic. I will devote an entire blog to why I love Doctor Who later...I've been thinking about it for weeks. Did I mention I got the boys I nanny for addicted to the show to? Yep. I freaking love Doctor Who.
--->Zombies. I am so pro-zombies. The Walking Dead is one of my favorite shows. I am obsessed it with. In fact, as soon as I'm done writing this, I plan to curl up with a cup of coffee and watch it on netflix because the new season starts on Sunday and I can't wait that long. Go ahead and judge me. If zombies turn out to be real, you will come crying to me for help and I will laugh when zombies eat your face. (Okay, I'm not that mean, but if I was mean, I would.) I want to write a book about how if you can survive college you can survive the zombie apocalypse. I may preview it here. Get excited people. It's going to be a bestseller. And a movie.
---->Aaron Rodgers. I am in love with him. I will probably never get to meet him, he will never know I exist, and I will continue to watch him play for my beloved Packers every football season wishing that those beautiful baby blues were looking into mine, but by gum...I love him. He is my celebrity crush, my dream boat, the quarterback of my heart. Let's be honest, if I ever did get to meet him, I would giggle like a little schoolgirl and make a fool of myself. It's better this way...me watching him play the game, and him "living in the TV" as one of my kids says (he's four and insists I can't marry Aaron Rodgers because 1. He lives in the TV, and 2. I'm supposed to marry HIM so I can always be a part of his family. Adorable, right?!). Aaron, if you are reading this, and you have a thing for Jesus and Doctor Who, call me!
---->Music. Here's the thing. Spend any time with me at all, and you will hear me say, "OH! I love this song! It's my favorite!!" to just about every other song on my playlist/radio/cd. I have a lot of favorites. I can't help it. Mumford & Sons currently holds the top spot in my heart, but ask me again tomorrow and it will be The Script, or Florence & the Machine. I love indie rock and roll, but I'm a sucker for top 40, and I love to dance so I'm all about it. I also love to rock out, so I enjoy screamo at times. I am a fabulous rapper, so I have to perfect my craft. I am totally emo at heart, so I have to listen to music that feeds my emotions. I love Jesus so the majority of the time I listen to praise and worship songs. I am an eclectic mix of music...a grab bag of things that just make my heart beat faster and if I like it I will listen to it.
---->TV. I love TV. I would love to write for TV, that's how much I love it. Shonda Rhimes is my hero and I would like to steal her life a little bit. If I were to list out all the shows I love, it would take forever.
---->Books. Same thing. I love to read. I read 4-5 books a week. Easily. It's more natural for me to read all night than to sleep. I will ready any and everything. I love to write, and reading is a natural extension of that.
---->Movies. I own more movies than a blockbuster. It's overwhelming really. And I'm a watch-a-movie-twice-in-one-day kind of girl. Like over and over and over. Movie quoting all day, every day. I am addicted to story. That's why I love TV, books, movies, music, even Doctor Who. They all tell stories. And I can't stop how much I adore stories. It's in my blood.
---->Facts. I have 14 piercings, and 4 tattoos. I know the piercing thing is overwhelming, but all but one is in my ear. I have my lip pierced, and then I have three piercings in my left cartilage and then 5 holes in each ear lobe. So no secret piercings or anything, but I don't often wear all 14 earrings anymore. It's overwhelming for most people. I love my tattoos, and I do plan on getting more someday. I have LOVE on my left wrist, 5 stars behind my right ear, LET GO on my right wrist and CHOSEN on my left foot.
I love to paint and craft and I taught myself to knit on YouTube.
I rarely stop singing, I usually sing things that don't even need to be sung, especially when I'm alone.
My hair has been black, white, fire red, orange, blonde, all shades of brown, this nasty greenish, and a weird pinkish. It's currently blondish. I had black hair a few months ago, and I'm transitioning to blonde again. I have a problem, and I'm okay with it. I like to change my hair color okay?!?!
I am a major weeper. I cry to process things, when I'm happy, when I'm sad, when I'm moved by something, when I'm angry, when I'm scared, when I'm nervous...you name the emotion, chances are, my first reaction is to cry. I generally can hide it pretty well, and thank God I am not an ugly crier most of the time (I'm not bragging...you know what I mean when I say "ugly crier" right? Like snot, and red face, and makeup all over, and dry heaving, and nasty? That's not me, I just have a few tears slip out. Very lady like. I think God knew how much I would cry so He blessed me with a pretty cry).
I am not a morning person. I do not like to be woken up in the morning, I do not like to be talked to when I'm getting ready, and I do not like to have anyone interrupt my routine. I like to have my music on, and shuffle like a zombie through my extensive makeup routine (so I don't look like I am a zombie) and hair shellacking process in peace. My dad has lived with me (apart from my 4 years in college) for 24 years. He still hasn't figured this out. It took my college roommates 2 days.
So there ya go. A whole bucket full of facts for you to digests. I'm thinking the next post I'd be open to answering some questions, but I don't know how many readers I have yet. If you have a question, throw it in the comments and I'd be glad to answer it. It can be about anything...life, love, the pursuit of happiness. I'm an open book, so ask away! Also, if you like this blog, feel free to share it with your friends! (Shameless plug!)
Tuesday, October 9, 2012
The beginning.
There are many beginnings in life. And many endings as well. You can't have one without the other can you? There is no light without darkness, no laughter without tears, and no joy without sorrow. Some people fear the end of things. I fear the beginning. The change, the uncertainty, the desperation for something good to happen. I don't think I'm alone in this fear. In fact, I think I am one of many. You may be reading this and nodding your head in agreement.
Yep, that's me. I like things to stay the same. I want to know what's coming, when it's coming, and why it's coming. I deserve that much in life.
It's never that easy is it? We don't get to go through life knowing what is around every corner, controlling the outcome of each encounter we have like a video game or a badly timed daydream while you are class or during a particularly boring sermon or business meeting. We are thrown curve balls, tragedy strikes, people die, we are betrayed, we are lonely, desperate for someone--somewhere--to just reach out and care.
I am a youth leader to some of the most amazing teens on the planet. They fill my life with so much joy, laughter, and plastic forks in my yard that when I am with them I feel like everything in my life is complete. But I only get a few hours a week with these kids. Kids who are full of passion and love and they get it. Some of these kids truly understand what it means to follow Christ. And that is incredible and so encouraging to me. Getting to be a part of their experience learning about Jesus and the amazing things He's done and will continue to do is literally the best part of my life. But I've been struggling lately. For the past few months, I've been fighting hard to ignore feelings of insecurity and worthlessness, feelings of loneliness so deep that I haven't told anyone how bad it's truly gotten.
This week everything seems to be crumbling around me, and I have never felt more alone. I have always had an incredible family to support me, and I don't know what I would do without them, but as far as friends who I've always depended on, there have been only a few who have reached out in the past few months. I don't blame the ones who haven't by any means. Everyone has their own issues and most people can't handle my level of emotional baggage-believe me. I have just been marveling at the way things in my life have been turning out and with the events of the past few days, God has been showing me that I have spent months pouring into these incredible teens and now when I am in desperate need of encouragement, it is coming from places I never expected. People I haven't talked to in years...from high school, from college, acquaintances really....have been texting, emailing, facebook messaging me. Even though they are not the people I would have expected to be praying, I am grateful that they have interceded on my behalf.
So in honor of the people who are praying for me, even though I am still heartbroken, still insecure, desperately lonely, and crying out to God for answers, I know I can't give into the despair. I will continue to run to the Truth. I have made vows to live for Christ, to honor Him with my life, to praise Him through all things. His sacrifice will not go unwelcome in my life. I have vowed to trust Him, to seek Him, to serve Him, to sing His praise, to worship Him. I have vowed to share His love with the teens in my ministry, to show them how to live for Him by example above words, to live a life that is set apart from the world. I have made vows. And now, this is what my life looks like living under those vows.
I want to be different from other single 24 year old women. They can be like bluejays. Flashy, identical, blending in together. They can flock together, stick together, do the same thing. They can dress the same, act the same, live the same. They can stay on the shore, living among the rocks and weeds, pushing themselves on the men around them to feel worth something. They can live the MTV life, have the Kardashian mindset. I choose to be different. I choose to be set apart, to follow the laws of Christ, not the laws of the E! fashion police. I want to be a dove on distant oaks.
12 I am under vows to you, O God;
I will present my thank offerings to you.
13 For you have delivered me from death
and my feet from stumbling,
that I may walk before God
in the light of life.
Yep, that's me. I like things to stay the same. I want to know what's coming, when it's coming, and why it's coming. I deserve that much in life.
It's never that easy is it? We don't get to go through life knowing what is around every corner, controlling the outcome of each encounter we have like a video game or a badly timed daydream while you are class or during a particularly boring sermon or business meeting. We are thrown curve balls, tragedy strikes, people die, we are betrayed, we are lonely, desperate for someone--somewhere--to just reach out and care.
I am a youth leader to some of the most amazing teens on the planet. They fill my life with so much joy, laughter, and plastic forks in my yard that when I am with them I feel like everything in my life is complete. But I only get a few hours a week with these kids. Kids who are full of passion and love and they get it. Some of these kids truly understand what it means to follow Christ. And that is incredible and so encouraging to me. Getting to be a part of their experience learning about Jesus and the amazing things He's done and will continue to do is literally the best part of my life. But I've been struggling lately. For the past few months, I've been fighting hard to ignore feelings of insecurity and worthlessness, feelings of loneliness so deep that I haven't told anyone how bad it's truly gotten.
This week everything seems to be crumbling around me, and I have never felt more alone. I have always had an incredible family to support me, and I don't know what I would do without them, but as far as friends who I've always depended on, there have been only a few who have reached out in the past few months. I don't blame the ones who haven't by any means. Everyone has their own issues and most people can't handle my level of emotional baggage-believe me. I have just been marveling at the way things in my life have been turning out and with the events of the past few days, God has been showing me that I have spent months pouring into these incredible teens and now when I am in desperate need of encouragement, it is coming from places I never expected. People I haven't talked to in years...from high school, from college, acquaintances really....have been texting, emailing, facebook messaging me. Even though they are not the people I would have expected to be praying, I am grateful that they have interceded on my behalf.
So in honor of the people who are praying for me, even though I am still heartbroken, still insecure, desperately lonely, and crying out to God for answers, I know I can't give into the despair. I will continue to run to the Truth. I have made vows to live for Christ, to honor Him with my life, to praise Him through all things. His sacrifice will not go unwelcome in my life. I have vowed to trust Him, to seek Him, to serve Him, to sing His praise, to worship Him. I have vowed to share His love with the teens in my ministry, to show them how to live for Him by example above words, to live a life that is set apart from the world. I have made vows. And now, this is what my life looks like living under those vows.
I want to be different from other single 24 year old women. They can be like bluejays. Flashy, identical, blending in together. They can flock together, stick together, do the same thing. They can dress the same, act the same, live the same. They can stay on the shore, living among the rocks and weeds, pushing themselves on the men around them to feel worth something. They can live the MTV life, have the Kardashian mindset. I choose to be different. I choose to be set apart, to follow the laws of Christ, not the laws of the E! fashion police. I want to be a dove on distant oaks.
Psalm 56
For the director of music. To the tune of “A Dove on Distant Oaks.” Of David.
1 Be merciful to me, O God, for men hotly pursue me;
all day long they press their attack.
2 My slanderers pursue me all day long;
many are attacking me in their pride.
all day long they press their attack.
2 My slanderers pursue me all day long;
many are attacking me in their pride.
3 When I am afraid,
I will trust in you.
4 In God, whose word I praise,
in God I trust; I will not be afraid.
What can mortal man do to me?
I will trust in you.
4 In God, whose word I praise,
in God I trust; I will not be afraid.
What can mortal man do to me?
5 All day long they twist my words;
they are always plotting to harm me.
6 They conspire, they lurk,
they watch my steps,
eager to take my life.
they are always plotting to harm me.
6 They conspire, they lurk,
they watch my steps,
eager to take my life.
7 On no account let them escape;
in your anger, O God, bring down the nations.
8 Record my lament;
list my tears on your scroll—
are they not in your record?
in your anger, O God, bring down the nations.
8 Record my lament;
list my tears on your scroll—
are they not in your record?
9 Then my enemies will turn back
when I call for help.
By this I will know that God is for me.
10 In God, whose word I praise,
in the Lord, whose word I praise—
11 in God I trust; I will not be afraid.
What can man do to me?
when I call for help.
By this I will know that God is for me.
10 In God, whose word I praise,
in the Lord, whose word I praise—
11 in God I trust; I will not be afraid.
What can man do to me?
I will present my thank offerings to you.
13 For you have delivered me from death
and my feet from stumbling,
that I may walk before God
in the light of life.
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