On being in the 12%

***This is a blog about sex and dating. If that is going to make you uncomfortable, stop reading now. I will not be graphic, instead, I promise to be witty, intelligent, and share my feelings about the topic openly and honestly. You have been warned.***

       As a youth leader, I spend most of my time talking to my teens about their boy/girl problems. It's a natural thing that is inevitable in youth ministry, and thankfully, my core group of teens are a cut above the rest and I am so blessed to have these young adults in my life that are truly seeking God's will for their lives and will truly listen to godly advice with open hearts. I've been anxious for a few days, knowing that this blog would be my next one, and I've been putting it off. It's going to be a little bit brutal for some people to hear. There are parents of my teens that read this, my parents read this, my siblings read this (Hi Scott!), my teens and friends read my blog, and I hope there are people who have never met me that are reading right now. If that's you, brace yourselves. I am a 24 year old virgin.

GASP! SHOCK! WHAT?!?! ***Falls over out of the computer chair, hits head, gets up, rereads the sentence, falls again***

     Yes, I am coming out the closet. I, Deanna, am a proud, unashamed virgin. I know, I know, I am as rare as the dinosaurs in this day and age, I bet some of you don't even KNOW any other 24 year old virgins. I read an article a year ago in Relevant Magazine and it broke my heart.  Here's the link, if you'd like to read it yourself, but I'll summarize it for you (because, let's face it, most of us are super lazy!)The Secret Sexual Revolution

      The article has a statistic about young adults that shocked me. 88% of unmarried young adults (ages 18-29) are having sex....and in the Christian world, the number is 80%. Um, I'm sorry what? You are telling me that in the secular world, 12% of people are not having sex before marriage for whatever reason, but in the Christian world, where we are commanded to remain pure and have one sexual partner for life that we are married to (Matt 19: 4-6), the number is only 20% who are actually following it?! Yeah, something is severely broken in the Church if we aren't addressing this.

       My own youth group is struggling with this, and my heart is breaking watching some of the young men and women throw away their bodies and make the choice to have sexual relationships outside of the perimeters God designed. And we have been conditioned to be offended when someone tells us that we are wrong or that the things we are doing need to stop, so what happens is that we run from the Church, we run from God and we run from people that want to help us because it's humiliating to admit that we are wrong.

     I watch my beloved teens, my dear friends, my family members, move from relationship to relationship seeking something to fill the loneliness in their lives, but no matter how many partners they have, it never will be enough. But if you are desperate and lonely and obsessed with the opposite sex and finding someone to date/love you, then you are setting yourself up for a colossal failure. You will NEVER EVER be complete or feel satisfied in your relationship...no matter how "hot" the other person is, how much sex you are having, or how many people you go through to try and get there. We aren't at 50% looking to find our other or better half. We need to find someone to support us not complete us. The goal is to be at 200% when you are together. That can't happen when you are in a sexual relationship with no life commitment and no spiritual connection. God has to be the center of the relationship for there to be true joy, true love, and true completeness. How can that happen in a sex-crazed one night stand, or a relationship built on lust?

       God's design for relationships is a lot harder than how the rest of the world lives (Eph 5). One man, one woman, one lifetime? That's crazy. I mean, seriously, the amount of hormones coursing through our bodies is just not fair for our generation to have to wait until our 20s to get married. At least in Bible times, they got to marry at 15 so they didn't have to worry about waiting until marriage. Sure, they had arranged marriages, no plumbing, way too much hard labor, and the plague, but it's a tradeoff I guess. Each generation gets it's own set of problems huh? God designed marriage to be something amazing, but we messed it up as we always do. We introduced dating onto the scene and with it a whole bucket full of regrets and issues. I've started reading a new blog and it's quickly become my favorite. This post has stuck with me and the more I read it, the more I am broken by it. Take the 5 minutes and read it. It will give you a whole new perspective on dating and boundaries. Cool Your Jets and Embrace Your Role

      Sex is such a touchy subject for most people, but I have no problem talking about it or the reasons why I abstain from having sex. And even though my faith is first and foremost the reason why I will remain a virgin unless I get married, I have to be honest and say that even if God were not in my life, there are about 435 health reasons why I would not have sex with multiple guys anyway, so when I give my little sex rant to my teens, they get both sides of the coin. I've watched way too many people destroy their lives with sex in some way or another and now that I have some measure of influence, I plan to be vocal and unashamed about promoting abstinence, even if it means offending people who are actively participating in sexual relationships. I've seen God bless marriages of people that wait for marriage, I've seen Him restore people that have made mistakes in the past, I've seen Him give strength to those who are fighting sexual addictions, I've seen Him do amazing things through people that are in the 12%. I am one of them. My prayer is that you are too.