Ambiguous Forgiveness

    There are some ideas in life that are very hard to define or describe. There are a few that are silly and make me laugh. For instance, I laugh when I think about how the boys I nanny for asked me this past summer when we were in their pool why girls had to shave their legs and boys didn't have to even though everyone has hair on their legs. Trying to explain to a nine- and seven- year old the concept of vanity and societal expectations was just a mess that I wound up having to defuse the situation by just surrendering and giving them popsicles. I had to give up trying to explain and use the old, "That's just the way it is, boys" and move on with our day.

     Then there are much more substantial ideas in life that are fundamental to every person's life, every religion, every facet of society, and yet--I can't even begin to explain it or describe even a portion of what's involved in it. Things like heartache, happiness, finding purpose. What hurts one person doesn't matter to another, what makes someone happy is insane to someone else, and who can judge purpose? These ideas really bother me when I stop to think about them on the grand scheme of life, so I try not to do that very often. But one thing that it truly unavoidable, especially since I work in youth ministry and I am a follower of Jesus Christ, is the idea of forgiveness.

    I am not going to lie--I googled it. I looked up forgiveness in Islam, Buddhism, Hindi, and even a 7 step guide on how to forgive. And in sticking with the not-lying thing...I still couldn't articulate a very good definition or explanation of what forgiveness truly means. Is it a feeling? An action? A state of mind? All three? How can I break down what it means to be forgiven? I know we've all heard the word before, we all understand that we need to be forgiven from the bad things we've done and we need to forgive the people in our lives that have hurt us, but it's such an ambiguous term isn't it?

    If you are looking for me to suddenly have a neat little paragraph here that will shock and awe you with my knowledge of the idea of forgiveness and all your questions about forgiveness will go away never to return, I hate to break it to ya, but I am just not going to have that for you today. I am going to do my best to let you in on the inner workings of my mind when it comes to forgiveness, so maybe you can start understanding what the idea is all about.

     Forgiveness is the act of releasing someone of blame for the mistakes, real or perceived, done to you by actively allowing your thoughts towards the person to no longer hold that blame against them. (Please note that this is my own personal definition of the word...)  The only things I know about forgiveness come from Scripture, because when I've seen people "forgive" me or others in the real world it usually just means they are bitter and are still very much holding a grudge against the other person and the relationship is almost always completely severed. (for serious issues. Not for silly things. I've done silly things like drop 14 year olds' birthday cakes at camp and I've been forgiven...although I still haven't forgiven myself for that one....I am still sorry Lauren!!!)  Severed relationships are not forgiveness. Forgiveness is so much more than a "Hey sorry dude." "Yeah whatever" with an ignored situation that is eventually forgotten. Forgiveness is mending relationships, having difficult conversations, it is weeping over hurt feelings and allowing those feelings to no longer control your thoughts. Here's some of what the Bible has to say about forgiveness:

If You, Lord, kept a record of sins,
    Lord, who could stand? 
 But with You there is forgiveness,
    so that we can, with reverence, serve You.

 I wait for the Lord, my whole being waits,
    and in His Word I put my hope.  --Psalm 130:3-5

 But the one whom God raised from the dead [Jesus] did not see decay. Therefore, my friends, I want you to know that through Jesus the forgiveness of sins is proclaimed to you.  Through Him everyone who believes is set free from every sin, a justification you were not able to obtain under the law of Moses. --Acts 13:37-39


In fact, the law requires that nearly everything be cleansed with blood, and without the shedding of blood there is no forgiveness. --Hebrews 9:22 [Jesus shed His blood so we could be forgiven]


If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. If we claim we have not sinned, we make Him out to be a liar and His Word is not in us. --1 John 1:8-10

     I could go on and on...in fact, I didn't even post the many, many verses of Jesus preaching forgiveness and telling us to forgive one another so we may be forgiven. He talks about how forgiving little means we love little...so forgiveness and love go hand in hand. He talks about how God forgives us so much so how could we not forgive the little (or big. I'm not going to downplay that some of us have had some really awful things happen in our lives. There are people who have done horrible things and are not sorry about it, and forgiving them is the hardest part about following Christ...obeying even when it hurts) misdeeds done against us by the people around us? I want to leave you with this thought...the idea is so huge because forgiveness is not easy. It is not easy to let go of hurt and pain that others have caused us or that we have caused ourselves, but the Lord has commanded us over and over again to forgive others so the Father may forgive us...and when we look at the cross, how could we not? Who are we to deny others forgiveness when Jesus paid such a high price to grant us our own forgiveness? God holds no blame towards us once we repent from our sin and walk away from it. I know that seems crazy since we are SO quick to hold grudges, but His mercy is overwhelming. You were worth the cross. Accept His forgiveness and be willing to give yours out to the people in your life that need to have it.